


Cathartic Metaphors

by x_Luniana_x



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Caring Chloe Decker, Crying Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s), Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Sad Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), a drabble to sooth my mind, partners help each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 20:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21379765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_Luniana_x/pseuds/x_Luniana_x
Summary: His mom is gone and Lucifer suffers. He finds himself at the Detective's place, unaware of what to do. It doesn't matter though, because she does.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 18
Kudos: 168
Collections: Lucifer and Chloe





	Cathartic Metaphors

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello everyone! This is just a short little, very rough drabble that came into existance with the lovely help from my bestie Darker Side. I was feeling a bit out of myself and disconnected and just needed to drabble along on a tiny idea. She helped me along with this and encouraged me to just post it as it is. Considering it was just a bit on an off writing on this for like two days or so, and just meant as a drabble, I'm fairly okay with it and hope you can enjoy it a little as well. My bigger work is in the making, but it does take its time so I might give you some treats like this every now and then until I can publish. Thank you Darker Side. I wouldn't be writing so well and much if it weren't for your loving words and (wonderfully) craziness.

**Cathartic Metaphors**

  
  


He blinked, unsure of how he got here. He stood in front of her apartment. Hadn’t he just been in his penthouse? He turned and looked behind him to check for his car, but it wasn’t there. So he had walked. But what happened? Why was he even here? His chest contracted painfully at the resurfacing memory and he forced down the tears, but couldn’t keep a stifled groan from escaping his throat. Right. She was gone. Because of him. He made her leave. The warmth of her everlasting divine light still made his skin tingle, at least in his memory of her, and it tore at him. But Chloe, she couldn't understand. She didn’t _ know _. He sighed, leaning quietly against her front door. He could faintly hear the TV running inside. Maybe she was still awake.

_What the bloody hell am I doing here…_ He sighed, his breathing still ragged and heavy.

Suddenly, something shifted behind the door. Metal clicked as the door was unlocked and slowly swung open. Surprised he made a step back and gazed at Chloe who stood in the frame, rather perplexed.

“Detective?” he breathed, not even sure how to explain himself.

She frowned, surprised to see him, but a small smile was on her lips nonetheless. “Lucifer. I… I heard some scratching on the door, was that you?”

He merely stared at her, his eyes lost and his mind unable to grasp what she was talking about.

“Hey…” she went on softly, taking in his attire, and he looked horrible. It wasn’t at all like she was used to seeing him. His grey shirt was halfway hanging out of his pants, the two top buttons opened, one sleeve drawn up, the other loosely hanging open. His hair was in a mess, torn towards all angles and the circles under his red, puffy eyes were speaking volumes about his lack of sleep and how much he must have cried. “Come on in…” she said without much thinking and took his hand, gently tugging him to guide him inside.

His feet moved without him actively controlling them until he stood in her entrance, the warmth of the house and the sweet scent of her pleasantly surrounding him. But it didn’t manage to seep into him, to break through the cold surface of the dead shell he felt to be.

He was minutely aware of her corralling him through the threshold, like a handler with a docile, defeated beast. He chuckled to himself with that thought, ignoring her slightly concerned expression. It seemed Sad Lucifer was even more self-deprecating than usual.

She maneuvered him through the kitchen towards the couch and shoved aside a pile of magazines from the pillows to make room for them both to sit. She wanted to ask and know what was going on but then she recalled she had seen him like this before and she knew better than to push him. Despite his defensive behavior mechanisms he was as fragile as a person could get and she was well aware she was walking on eggshells when talking with him in such a state. So she let him be and do whatever he wanted and felt like, in his own pace.

Sitting down together, he noticed the soft murmur from the TV stopping as Chloe turned it off. He took a trembling breath, his left hand started to fumble with the fabric of the couch while his right stayed motionless, resting against Chloe’s thigh. She stayed silent and he noticed that she waited for him, quietly and relaxed, although he knew she must be worried. “Where’s your spawn?” he heard himself murmur, sounding so distant and disconnected towards himself, he was wondering if he actually said something.

“In her room. Asleep.” she answered quietly. She knew his evasiveness. But it didn’t matter. He wasn’t on the run. If he were, he wouldn’t have ended up at her doorstep, she figured. He wanted something from her. _Needed_ something. And she was happily giving him whatever he was hoping to find. Shifting around she turned to better face him, drawing one leg up yogi-style and taking his right hand back into her palms. Instead of having to think of anything to say, she simply took in his appearance, trying to read his posture and whatever information he was willing to share with her.

Snorting he continued to gaze into space. “That’s nice.” he breathed, his voice coming out more broken than he appreciated. Again he felt an onslaught of pressure surging up inside of his head and focussing in his eyes. Tensing up he tried to fight against it, but it must have shown nonetheless as Chloe’s left hand reached up and lightly caressed over his cheek. Jaw clenching, he lowered his eyes, the warmth of her touch reminding him again of the divine light he was never going to feel again. “She won’t ever come back,” he managed to choke out through shuddering breaths and eventually the pressure was too much for his dam to hold, causing two droplets to trickle down his cheek and fall down on his shirt.

"Who won't come back?" She questioned softly, lightly wiping the tear she could reach. It always hurt to see him like that; the typically poised, enigmatic character turned distraught and messy.

"Mu-," he started, catching himself and clearing his throat. "Charlotte. She's gone. Forever."

Leaning in a bit closer, she tilted her head sideways a little to get a better look at his expression. “She’s just having some trouble remembering, Lucifer. She’s gonna be alright in no time.”

He laughed a little at that. It wasn't her fault. Chloe could only base her answers on what she knew. Which wasn't as close to the truth as he wished. Maybe he could pretend the issue was that simple. Pretend that whatever wisdom Chloe could offer could actually be his reality. He could try; try to pretend his realm of existence was smaller, simpler, less existential. A simple case of acute amnesia, like the _real_ Charlotte Richards was afflicted with.

He thought about it. Thought about whether or not that would fall under the case of lying, if he was pretending something towards himself and Chloe. He thought about if it made any difference at all, but in the end he felt it wasn’t fair. Nothing of it was. He couldn’t fill her in on everything. She deserved to be as pure about the whole celestial catastrophes around her as humanly possible. And yet, she deserved nothing but the truth. He wondered if she would roll her eyes and sigh or even push him back outside through the door, if he were to tell her everything. What was the other possibility? Her hugging him and telling him, she understands and feels with him about his loss of his mother? Again he laughed at his thoughts. Surely not. But what other choice did he have? None, really.

“You’ll think I’m insane.” he breathed quietly, nervously glancing at her. “If you don’t think that already anyway.”

“I told you before that you can talk to me. Whatever it is. I’m here. I’ll listen. Not judge.” He scoffed at her response, leaning back against the couch, keeping his hand near her thigh. She grabbed his hand, slowly wrapping her fingers delicately around his, feeling the warmth seep into her bones. "I think you're hurting, Lucifer, and you aren't sure what to do with that."

“What would you do in this position?” he muttered, trying to level his voice again. “If you would need to choose between speaking the truth, but knowing that nobody will believe you and think of you as mad, or would you make it sound more believable, even though it’s not getting to the core of the issue and it feels like lying?”

“The truth. Always. Everything else will just make it hurt more and longer.”

He blinked and his eyes fixated on her hand holding his. “But it will sound surreal and insane to you still.”

“Then I will try to put myself in your shoes to understand.” she softly countered with a smile. “It’s part of the detective work, remember?”

"My metaphors," he reminded her, tone behind the presumption both nostalgic and bitter. He glanced at her, almost apologetically, and he saw her half-smile, nodding in agreement. Licking his lips he took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself together. “My mum is gone. Not Charlotte, I mean… like…” He sighed. It was so much harder than he thought it would be. “My _real_ mum. Goddess.” He spread his fingers and waved his hands, adding quintessential Lucifer flare, covering up the hurt pathetically.

Chloe's eyebrows furrowed for a second, a clear sign of immediate confusion, but she motioned for him to continue. He had learned to accept her listening ear, even if she thought his words nothing but elaborate stories fit for historic royalty.

"I sent her away, to her own empty universe, to start over," he continued, seeking the comfort of telling the truth for his own benefit. Of all their time together, Chloe never let her disbelief in him show an outward disgust, and he could live with the possibility of only ever enlightening her imagination.

Listening intently, she let her thumb caress over his hand, hoping the contact helped him along a little bit. Of course his metaphors were not the easiest to grasp or to use to paint a picture of what Lucifer was going through, but she tried to let herself simply accept what he was saying, letting it sink in as the information came. “And now she’s… she’s gone? Like, you cannot reach her anymore?”

Silently he shook his head for a moment before he continued. “The connection to the other universe is closed again, so… yes. I can’t reach her. I won’t ever get to see her again.” Exhaling another shaky breath, he tried to step away from the abyss that gaped in front of his mind's eye, the hole that was left, with her being gone, but he couldn’t move. “You know… I’m not even sure she’d be able to hear me if I’d pray to her.” Letting out a bitter laugh, he wiped his eyes. “Maybe Dad took even _ that _away from her…”

“I’m so sorry, Lucifer. But you said she’s starting over, isn’t she?” It sounded like a horrible family drama to her, even with his strange metaphors of Gods, angels and another universe. Seeing him nod, she reached into his hair, gently brushing through it. He leaned into her hand, whether conscious of it or not. “And do you think it’s good for her there, wherever she is now?”

With that question, simple and innocent enough, a wave of grief and guilt washed over him. "Thing is, Detective, I _ made _her leave, and not just because a fresh start might be helpful," he admitted, eyes wetting, blurring his vision of soothing blue pools surrounded by sand-colored skin. When Chloe did little more than continue to scratch her nails on his scalp, he continued with his confession. "I made her leave to keep certain people I care about safe."

She could see the depth of his words, the meaning and truthfulness in his expression. He didn’t have to say it in order for her to understand him. “And with your mom around, these people wouldn’t have been safe? How so?”

He sighed, the difficulty to really explain seeming only to increase with each question, but he couldn’t blame her. Despite it being hard to explain, talking about it in whatever way did feel somewhat relieving. “She would’ve burned everyone with her essence. She couldn’t contain her divine light in Charlotte any longer. It was dangerous for her to stay…”

Chloe sucked in a breath, sharp and involuntary. Lucifer tried to not take that as a blatant disregard for what he said, and the fact that her face was still soft and caring helped in that matter. He could see the gears grinding in her head, trying to push forward through the blockage of an outlandish _ metaphor _, but he was confident she would make it through. Provide some distinctly human thought to a distinctly celestial problem.

“So you protected your friends, but you feel guilty because… it’s your mom.” She watched him nod again and she wished she could make the glassy look of his eyes disappear so the hopeful browns would return. “Did she agree to leave?”

“I’m not sure I left her with much of a choice…”

Giving his hand a light squeeze, she leaned against his shoulder. “Just think about it. Do you think she left willingly?”

“I’m not brain-dead, Detective. I know what you’re doing there…” he muttered softly. “I think… I think she knew it was for the better. For everyone. Well, for most people anyway. She-," he cut himself off, needing to clear his throat. He was overcome with a sudden realization, and it took everything out him to not laugh in spite of himself. "I think she just wanted to do the right thing for me…"

Chloe bit her lip, a tiny smile unable to stay hidden. Brushing away a wild strand of hair from his forehead, she nodded. “That’s what moms do. I think she wouldn’t want for you to feel guilty, Lucifer. Quite the opposite, actually.” His face turned towards him and his eyes blinked several times, as if she had accidentally woken him up from a slumber and now he was all surprised of where he was. “She loves you.”

“You don’t even know her. I mean… not _ really _.” he argued, but knew it was a weak attempt to brush off what she was saying.

“Well let me tell you this. I know what a mother thinks of her child and from what you just told me, I think she knew that this was the best thing she could do for you, and that was what’s most important to her. More than where she goes or what she’ll do there. She wanted you to be happy.”

He swallowed thickly, a new wave of tears escaping him as he let her words sink in. “But she’s gone and… and it feels… so empty. I just don’t want for things to move on as if nothing happened, you know?”

She pulled her other leg up, effectively curling into a ball against his side, her cheek resting against his shoulder. “You won’t forget her though, Lucifer.” She could sense his sadness lingering even though he seemed to have realized his mother’s love for him. Thinking for a moment, she suddenly sat up and clapped on his thigh. “I’ve got an idea. And I think you will like it.”

“Is that so?” he asked with a weak, tired smile.

“You’ll throw a party. At Lux. For her. You can make it as loud and as glamorous as you want and, you know, wherever she is, I think she’ll appreciate it.”

He smiled fondly, almost tilting his head down to rest on the top of Chloe's, but he stopped, indulging in the soft warmth of her hand instead. "I thought you didn't approve of my debauchery, Detective."

Humming, she turned his ring playfully and shrugged a little. “Oh, I think in that case, I’d even join. I mean, if you’d like that, of course.”

Observing her delicate fingers, he let out a soft laugh and locked eyes with her again. “You would?” A short pinch went through his chest, his heart strangely bouncing when she smiled and nodded in confirmation. “Thank you, Detective. For everything.”

"What are partners for?" She asked kindly, snuggling herself against him more firmly. They sat in silence for a few more moments, just ensuring the heaviness was lifting. Chloe reached out for the remote and turned the TV back on, laying her cheek on the side of his arm. Lucifer was beginning to feel more comfortable with platonic affection, and he allowed the warmth of Chloe's body to seep into his frigid soul. He let his head rest against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, letting the sounds of shitty reality TV drown out his thoughts of a divine creator forming a new reality.


End file.
